My "handicapable sign" is soon to expire

One of the perk for my recent journey is having this handicapped sign- it saved us a ton of money for parking during the many medical appointments and treatments and also the conviniences of finding a parking spot. My son in law, Ryan, always called this "handicapable" sign. I am glad that my journey is about to end temporarily, the tumor board agreed to hold off my treatment for the time being and re-check my blood every six weeks. I am good with such a decision and really want to take this time to thank all my friends and family for your fervent prayers, care and kindness. God indeed has done wonder in my life which I feel so unworthy. I do not know nor understand why my journey is a success to a certain degree while others are not as what we have prayed and hoped for. I do not deserve this special treatment from the Lord and yet, will pledge to INTENTIONALLY live it to the fullest for Him.

Today, I went to Children Hospital to visit a little friend, Ava, 7 years old from Chicago, who is fighting against the cancer in her tiny body. She and her family are new friends to us, our temporary neighbors at this moment. I told Ava I will ask all my friends who have been praying for me all these months will stop praying for me, but instead, to pray for little Ava. She gave me a sweetest smile and said, "thank you."

"Lord, I thank you for your special care for me all these months, may I ask you humbly to take care of our little friend, Ava and grant her days and years of good health and recovery. Grant strength to her family as they go through this difficult journey with her. You love her just as much you love me, take good care of her during the treatment process. Thank you. In your precious Son's name I pray, Amen"

This is written by Ava's mom, Esther.
http://fortheloveofavalee.blogspot.com/2016/03/update.html?m=1

Thorn in my blood

"There was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me..... But He (the Lord) said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness." II Cor. 12:7, 9

We are all familiar with this passenge written by apostle Paul, and we all knew there was a thorn in his flesh, but not really know what it is. He has asked the Lord three times to take it away, but the answer to his request was "my grace is sufficient for you." I too, have a thorn in my blood, I didn't ask the Lord to remove it, ( I intentionally skipped verse 8 in the Bible quote) but I expect the recent chemo will do the work. WRONG! ummm... today is not a good day, I got so frustrated with my situation, the chemo treatment has been cancelled and postponed umteen times for one reason or the other. Many times I walked into the clinic with my husband expecting to be hooked up for the treatment. Hot soup, I pad, kindle and my cell phone all in one bag and got ready for a long day. We walked out untouched and headed out for lunch date or spend time with our children visiting from different states with the intention to rally alongside with me. Disappointed? Not really, because I enjoyed those perks of good times. However, extremely frustrated because I scheduled all my life activities around to accommodate the treatment, and instead I am getting no where. When people asked me when is my next chemo so that they can pray for me, my standard answer was you know as much as I know. Oh, how difficult it is to live in the unknown and uncertainties.

Many of you had been more than encouraging, telling me how much you enjoyed reading my blog and have been inspired by my experience. Really?? If you read the blog carefully, you can see the frustration in between lines, but today my frustration is very evident. My friend reminded me today that my frustration and maddness would not last more than a day, I wrote back to her, "don't worry, once I aired it out, I am totally fine again."

My recent bone marrow test shows that cancer cells still there, but the doctor is not sure if I would get into the same reaction like last chemo if another treatment is given. I told him clearly that if possible, I do not want another treatment. If the Lord has granted me 27 yrs with the cells growing inside my blood (the thorn), I probably can go on with the unwelcome cells inside me together with God's grace, just like what Paul had said in his letter to the Corinthians. His grace is more than enough for my alloted days on earth. Oh, I feel so relieved and will slowly resume my various responsibilities as my health can afford. My oncologist will still present my case to the tumor board (he missed last week's mtg) and I am sure they would be just as puzzled. I jokingly told my doctor to add my case onto the medical history as exceptional or extraordinary.

When I meet apostle Paul in the future, we could definitely compare our thorns. But by then, who cares? We will be so excited by all the other heavenly things.....

This is the needle for my bone marrow. Hin sing wanted to save it to use as a tool.

Turtle and the rabbit

Everyone is familiar with the story of the race of a turtle and a rabbit. Turtle being known as sturdy, stable and constant while rabbit being fast, very reactive and impatient.  I am more or less be identified with the rabbit, for those who know me, "speed" is my middle name. I tend to do things really fast, not necessarily accurate, unfortunately. Planner and a controller, and got into a lot of unnecessary detours and unwanted worries. These are not necessarily all bad nor good, but it is a journey that I am going through. About a year ago, my oncologist had already been talking about chemo for my blood condition, he told me that he wanted to do it around Christmas time (2014) so that I would be all better by the time of Chinese New Year (2015). Oh, I told him Christmas season is important to me, but Chinese New Year is not as important celebration in my household. Now, one year later, very close to another Chinese New Year, I am still not done with my chemo....

In this past year, so much has happened, so many detours. Though this rabbit (me) is running really fast, but all seem to lead to no where. ummm. With all these set backs, postponement, cancellation and rescheduling, I really do not know where I am heading to. However, all these interruptions gave me great blessings of experiencing God's steadfastness, sturdy pace, focus path and constant provision and protection. (In no way I am comparing God with turtle) In another word, I need to learn to slow down, to let go and be led instead of leading my own schedule and planning.

Rejoice in th Lord always. I will say it again: rejoice! (Philippians 4:4) I have to admit it is hard to rejoice when things are out of control, cannot plan anything solidly. Every schedule is so fluid, changes everyday. Though the situation is so uncertain, I am blessed with many perks of mini travel, meeting up with family and friends. Since I do not have regular working hours, time is my commodities that I use them to meet up with people that I normally don't get to meet. Make time for simple meals with friends/family and learning to cook again. Regain some of my kitchen territories from my dear hubby. That is the lesson I am learning to rejoice in the midst of uncertainties.

Back to the story of the rabbit. The nature of rabbit in me will not change, but I am learning to enjoy every moment that the Lord has given me. Interruptions are good, they are opportunities to slow down and experience God's presence and peace.

In my head I am already planning how to talk to my oncologist to schedule my next chemo to accommodate Erin/Ryan's visit here next week so that we can spend some quality time in Vancouver for pre-Chinese New Year celebration. Aiyahhh.... this rabbit is busy running again.

God's incidents

Many people would use coincident to describe some events, but I have lived to learn that these incidents and moment are truly God's incidents.

Case #1: My sister and I hosted a neighborhood gathering this past Saturday. This was the second time we hosted since we moved into this new neighborhood 2 1/2 yrs ago. Yet, we still had not met some of our neighors due to various schedules and new move ins. We knew all along our immediate neighors are related to Mrs. Y, my church friend. During the casual conversation, I mentioned to these Asian neighors that many years ago, I was the medical translator for Mrs. Y's relative and wonder if they know whom I was talking about and also how is that person doing these days? The couple looked at me with wide eyes and disbelief, they were shocked to find out the translator they met nine years ago in the medical center was the hostess and neighbor of this gathering. Instant connection...  I am so thankful that the Lord opens this door for us to connect once again with one another and they may just one day will get to know Whom I beleive and serve. I was only a stranger to them then and they said all these times they were hoping one day they would find this mysterious lady. God paved this connection.

Case #2: A good friend of mine (R) from LA area has been praying alongside with me for my recent medical journey. R has been very faithful, called and texted me often to check on me. She told me many times that her cell group is praying for me too. I thank her for her kindness. Today I received an email from a friend, (E) from many years ago (old church friend) that she has been praying for a lady from Seattle with some blood disorder per one of her cell group member's request. Recently, R decided to show the picture of the lady whom they have been praying for and update them on her condition. E and her husband were shocked to find out the mysterious "Jennie" person that they have been praying these past few months is the Jennie Li that they know so well from ECC (my church). These two incidents happened just last couple of days, I am totally overwhelmed by God's work in our lives.

Our church has been teaching missional life and "Life to life, faith to faith and generation to generation" for these five years. It is not just the sermon, passages from the Bible, but it is indeed our lives. Lord, help me to live a life that is a reflection of your character and your purpose, may our lives bring out the true gospel of why you came to earth to offer us the eternal hope and salvation. I am using the same passage that E sent to me this morning in her email to encourage one another.

II Samuel 7: 18-22 "Who am I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far? And as if this were not enough in your sight. O Sovereign Lord, you have also spoken about the future of the house of your servant. Is this your usual way of dealing with me, O Sovereign Lord?
What more can I (the bible said David) say to you? For you know your servant, O Sovereign Lord. For the sake of your word and according to your will, you have done this great thing and make it known to your servant. How great you are, O Sovereign Lord!. There is no one like you, and there is no God but you, as we have heard with our own ears."

Waking up

Today's blood test finally shows that my blood is slowly waking up. In another word, the count is rising slowly. Praise the lord for this! Even during this period of waiting, I have been enjoying fairly good health and life as usual.

Max Lucado's "In the eyes of the storm", it reminds me time after time, His very presence has never been absent. It is our circumstances that hinder our ability to see and hear. I learned " our storm is His  path", ponder on this statement and experience this truth.

I am just about finishing receiving my immune booster, gamma globulin the treatment center, should be good to face this winter, hopefully. Waiting to get ok to taste sushi again some days.

Does God honor our prayers?

Oct. 12 2015 was a memorable day. As usual Monday morning came around, Hin sing and I were in the hospital waiting for blood drawn, doctor's appointment and the chemo Rx if the blood is ok. This seemed to be a weekly routine now for these few weeks. Well, it turned out that my blood is still not good enough for chemo, after consulting with other hematologists, my doctor decided to hold off my chemo treatment "all together" for the time being. We will proceed to have a bone marrow test next week just to find out what is stopping the marrow producing the good blood. We are at peace with this proposal.

Through out the day, I got calls from our daughter, Erin, to update me about her mother in law, Susannas' condition. She was battling her last stage of bile duct cancer for just more than a year now. Through out the process, esp. during these last few weeks, we called and encouraged each other and prayed for one another during our various journeys. I treasured the time we had together, I got to know her ever since our children started dating and found her to be a woman of great faith. Her life has been a great testimony of God's faithfulness and grace. The Lord took her home on Monday night, the same day I got my message of no more chemo. How ironic that is.

My doctor was very puzzled with my condition, but I kept telling him many people are praying for me, and I am in good hand. On the other hand, many people were also praying for Susanna, does it mean God does not honor those prayers for her? Ryan (our son in law) sent us this video of his mom giving her testimony during one of the church service. I believe she has a great answer to this question.

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Susanna Dayala's Testimony

May all our lives be a true testimony for our Lord, one day when we meet Him face to face, He would welcome us as His faithful servants. I also pray that our lives will leave a great legacy for our children to remain faithful, be a living testimony for our Lord Jesus.

Live it to the fullest, live it intentionally

As many of you know that my medical journey is nothing ordinary, even my medical team is searching for an answer. With all that said, reflecting on the last few weeks, I am indeed thankful (shamely to say, not always, esp. during the waiting for the unknown).

Our daughters and their families flew into town to grant me and Hin sing support for the journey, but the journey was uneventful, because the treatments were postponed time after time. I welcome their visit, but so worried that our little grand children will see their grannie without hair and so sick looking. The Lord has been more than gracious, all my hair remained on my head (so far) and I was in relatively good health (without the treatment) and able to enjoy their visits. As I am reminded time after time, I can plan all I want, but the Lord is in charge every bit of our lives. "Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you. Were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declair" (Psalms 40:5) 

With that said, I choose today's blog's title as "Live it to the fullest, live it intentionally". With all the tragedies around us these few weeks, lives can be taken in the blink of an eye. I reflected often have I lived fully for the Lord? It is not how much have I done, but rather how much have I lived?

In a recent memorial service held in our church for the young victim of the Aurora bridge tragedy, I saw a couple who wailed loudly. Later I found out they attended the service because they also have a son injured in the same accident. They witnessed how our church came together to comfort and help with the family who suffered such a tragic loss. The man told someone that he believed in a wrong god (buddhist) and he was truly touched by the love of Christ shared in that evening. That is what I meant fullest and intentionally. May the seeds of gospel take roots in those who heard and witnessed His love.

Back to my own journey, God has placed many people along the path of my recent journey. Do they see Christ in me? God please help me to live intentionally....... Hopefully I can see God's plan more clearly next week while so much unknown ahead of me. Waiting is hard lesson, but I am sure it is for my benefit. "For the Lord is good, His love endures forever" ( Psalms 100:5)