What goes up must come down

It is a common saying, what goes up must come down. I always joke about my blood count like the stock market, up and down. While my count climbed too high, over 100,000 (normal should be around 4000), it is time to come down. Everytime, when things need to come down, it Will go through some changes, changes are necessary to make things balanced.
Am I expected this type of changes? Doctor told me, no. This is totally out of ordinary, because I am special. I am specially made by my heavenly father, He know every fabric of my being, my blood make up and all. He provide me a safe environment here in the hospital for close monitor and treatment, I am surrounded by prayers, it could not be better than this.
This is the fourth day here in the hospital, may go to five to stabilize everything before I can be released. Patience is needed for these changes and adjustment. Isn't this true for all our lives?
Here I met with so many compassionate medical staff and truly blessed by their care. Email, phone calls, Facebook messages, we chat and visits indeed offer me great encouragement. Best of all, God's presence in my heart And soul is so evident. This is my life verse to share with you.
Isaiah 43:2-3 "when you go through the waters, I will be with you, through the rivers, they will not go over you, when you go through the fire, you will not be burned, and the flames will have no power over you. for I Am your God, the holy one of Israel, your savior...." Isn't this the best assurance for changes?

Out of my grip into God's anchor

People always tell me that I am a very organized person, which I take pride in it. But in reality, I am a control freak. I have my diagnosis of CLL (Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia) since 1988, yes, 27 long years. I have alway take pride being the longest cancer survivor in my oncologist's patient list. I outbeat eveyone in the thickness of my chart. Fortunately the medical files have gone digital now, so won't take up too much space to keep mine.

When people asked me all these years, how am I doing with my CLL, I always said, it is in control, whatever that means. Until recently, my blood is out of control (in human form), but totally fall into God's control and timing. I have been blessed for 27 years, experienced the joy of being young mom, crusing through the precious teen age years. Sending our girls to college, seeing them married with Godly men and experienced the joy of being poh poh. Such a satisfying and full life. However, recently, doctor talked to me about possible chemo on and off during my visits.  I would candidly told him I have many various things scheduled in my life, can I have the chemo after this and that event, and my doctor always said "sure, whenever you feel you are ready". Are you kidding. who is ready for chemo?

Well one thing led to another, started to have foot pain, came and gone so suddenly, then petechia (bleeding under my skin) in both legs, and the new blood tests shows some more changes. So I got the call, so to speak. Dr. Fer called and said, "ummm, after presenting your case to the tumor board, the recommendation is do not wait any longer. So come in and put in the port and we can start your chemo right away." I said "wow, that is too soon, I have new commitments since my retirement and all my travel plans to see our friends and children." Things seems out of control but in reality, it is really under God's control. He orchestrated my foot pain, my petechia, and sort of prepared my heart to face this new steps in my journey.

We are blessed with close family and many friends from the church, near and far. The incoming emails, phone calls are overwhelming, the care and love pouring in every minutes of these last few days with this new developement. So the journey begins, and yes, it seems to be an unwelcoming interruption and bump on the road, but I strongly believe they are only stepping stones to experience God's grace and many blessings.

Just before I went into the surgery to have my port inserted, a friend sent me this message:

God is good

God is love

God is able 

God is faithful

Fear not 

Only believe

Wow, did I need these reminder as I react to the anti-biotic prior to the procedure. My head got so itchy and could not scratch it due to sterilized enviroment and my hands are all tied down. What could I do except to remember these words before I was put to sleep. Thank you Jesus for the timely reminder. Indeed He is faithful and I am in His anchor. Just release!!!! Still learning.......

Back to the piano bench

At age 70, I finally started my retirement phase. I kept asking the Lord what and where I can serve you? Without any clue at the beginning, i was approached to be a discussion leader for the upcoming CBS. I said ok, it is about time for me to give back after so many years at BSF and CBS.

Then one day during coffee hours after worship, the choir director came and asked me if I can be the pianist for the English choir. I said, "What?" I have not been a formal pianist for more than 33 years and I only played for my own pleasure. I told her i need a bit of time to digest this request. My training was always in the classical, but not all those "funny rhythm". Actually, back in April, the Lord has already planted the seed in my heart to go back to my piano when we attended a concert at the cruise to Mediterranean. I even told my siblings, it is time for me to get back onto the bench. But had no idea that back to the bench means started a new serving opportunity with the choir.

In the past, I have been an accompanist for many years in my yesterday years. Once we moved to Seattle, there are so many accomplished pianists at church, so my gift is not needed in this area. I took the back seat and only played as needed. Though I have been very experienced to be the accompanist for any choir in Los Angeles, but with all these contemporary music, it is a different story. The ECC Choir drector approached me recently after I retired...I told the Lord that I am willing to give it a try if He helps me. So I got the music, mine o mine, they are different. Lots of rhythm, key changes and totally not my familiar style. Then I asked the Lord to give me a learning spirit, at this age of 70, I can still learn. My poor neighbors will have to suffer through my practise. At first, it did not sound too right, too many key changes, and the rhythem was off. Little by little, I feel more confident and able to play through those songs with emotion and dynamic. The phrase "not your ability, but your availability" kept me going. How true! I have no excuse, the Lord has given me years of learning and practise, though the gift needs to be taken down from the shelve, dust it, shake it and oil it to make it work again. I am willing, so God is doing His work through me. What a joy that is. May my serving not to glorify myself, but to testify God's precious provision.

Thank you Jesus for all these opportunities, may I be faithful in serving You.

A SIM card

My cell reception at home is very sporatic, I  installed digial booster, not much improvement. The T mobile technician said, no, you need Cell spot booster, not the digital ones. So I changed the units and even went out to get a new phone. It seems to work a few days after the new gadget arrived, but now, back to the same old comments I got... "Hey, Jennie, you are in and out of your phone conversation." My husband would say "Ling, why didn't you pick up your phone and my call to you always went to your voice mail." Or I missed important calls from my doctor's office. I about had it, ready to switch out of T mobile.

I decided to call the technical dept again, I am sure they had records of all my phone calls in the last few months. The rep. was very polite, "Ms. Li, let me look into your account and try to help you." I was put on hold for long while for her to read my record and she came back to tell me everything checked out ok, but only one thing you need to do. I thought I think iI had heard this phrase many times before. Only one thing? what is the one thing? She said, please go to to a local store to get a new SIM card. Your card is too old and cannot receive signal properly. What????

I went to the store, familiar faces there, they are so tired of seeing this grey hair lady coming in. But I told them what the rep told me, check my record, and Susan, the last technical support had put a note to my account to issue me a new SIM card. I asked the store rep. why a new SIM card? he shrugged and said, " it is too old, is not functioning or receving signal properly." Good thing he is talking about my SIM card, not me.

Now. this makes me thinking, so often, my conncection with the Lord became so old, I relied on other "knowledge" and "technology" to help me understand or proceed with life without really being connected to my heavenly Father. No wonder I have dropped calls, didn't hear it ring, went into voice mail and never even knew there is a voice mail msg there waiting for me.

Oh, heavenly Father, forgive me for being so distracted by all the other things around without getting to the right connection. Pray that my daily time with you will be refreshing, sweet and full of life from you. Amen.